{"id":9877,"date":"2026-08-15T16:06:00","date_gmt":"2026-08-15T16:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=9877"},"modified":"2026-08-15T16:06:00","modified_gmt":"2026-08-15T16:06:00","slug":"how-much-eye-contact-is-just-right","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=9877","title":{"rendered":"How much eye contact is just right?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n \u201cLook at me when I\u2019m talking to you.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n It\u2019s a request I heard from my mother throughout much of my childhood, and even into my adult life. Somehow, what has always felt like the right amount of eye contact from my end has often been less than for her.\n <\/p>

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\n So many of us have been told to look someone in the eye when speaking. But how much eye contact is the appropriate amount when talking or listening to another person?\n <\/p>\n

\n There\u2019s no rule, but almost always \u201cpeople look more while listening than when speaking, although looking is hardly ever just a steady stare,\u201d said Judith Hall, social psychologist and University Distinguished Professor of Psychology, Emerita at Northeastern University in Boston, in an email.\n <\/p>\n

\n That\u2019s because our eyes are constantly moving around in many small ways when talking or listening. And while people generally have a good sense of when eye contact feels like too much or too little as it\u2019s happening, Hall said quantifying the right amount is not possible.\n <\/p>\n

\n There are, however, some subtleties to consider.\n <\/p>\n

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\n More than a social courtesy\n<\/h2>\n

\n It can feel offensive when you\u2019re having a conversation with someone who is averting their gaze. But making eye contact during conversation has functions that go beyond being polite.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cEye contact isn\u2019t just a social courtesy; it\u2019s actually a brain-stimulating interaction, and it\u2019s really fundamental to human connection,\u201d said Melissa J. Perry, dean of the College of Public Health at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia.\n <\/p>\n

\n As social beings, humans glean information from others by looking, observing and listening, Perry said. She noted that our brains are \u201coptimized\u201d for seeking out sensory input from others through eye contact and other nonverbal cues, including facial expressions and posture.\n <\/p>\n

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\n \u201cNeurobiologically, the brain is responding to the authenticity and empathy and credibility of the person before the mind is forming an opinion about what they\u2019re saying,\u201d Perry added.\n <\/p>\n

\n Eye contact also has neurochemical effects within the body, including the release of oxytocin, the neuropeptide that plays a crucial role in social bonding, said Paula Niedenthal, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison whose research examines neural, cognitive, social and cultural\/societal influences on facial mimicry and eye gaze.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cThe initial function of eye contact is to create a social bond with somebody and to generate activation in the reward systems of the brain and the production of oxytocin to make sure that everybody\u2019s gotten involved in this dance and is going to stay there,\u201d Niedenthal added.\n <\/p>\n

\n In addition to interacting with the brain\u2019s reward system, eye contact is also important for gathering information.\n <\/p>\n

\n We learn about people\u2019s moods, behavior and many other things by watching them, Hall noted, whether that\u2019s through direct interactions with people or while watching them without their knowledge.\n <\/p>\n

\n Making eye contact with someone when they\u2019re talking to you doesn\u2019t have to mean staring right into their eyes, she said. Even people who don\u2019t have difficulty hearing tend to lip-read some during conversation, Hall said, in case you\u2019ve noticed yourself watching someone\u2019s mouth as they talk.\n <\/p>\n

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\n More staring isn\u2019t better\n<\/h2>\n

\n When it comes to communicating, more eye contact isn\u2019t always better, Perry cautioned.\n <\/p>

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\n \u201cHealthy communication depends on natural intermittent eye contact,\u201d she said. \u201cToo little can suggest uncertainty or disengagement, while too much can feel intimidating or confrontational.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n Averting a gaze during communication can also imply a distance and aloofness, she said, or even a sense of secrecy.\n <\/p>\n

\n People who consider themselves to be in a dominant position compared with the person they\u2019re talking with have somewhat altered ratios when it comes to how much they make eye contact while speaking and listening, Hall said.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cTheir ratio of looking while speaking goes up and their ratio of looking while listening goes down,\u201d she said.\n <\/p>\n

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\n There are also differences between men and women. Women are \u201cwell established to gaze at others in conversation more than men do,\u201d said Hall, with the highest levels of gaze during communication occurring in pairs of females, and the lowest among pairs of males.\n <\/p>\n

\n Cultural differences can also come into play when it comes to what\u2019s considered an acceptable amount of eye contact.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cThere is a lot of cultural universality although specific cultures can have their own norms,\u201d Hall said. Ethnic groups can vary when it comes to certain situations involving eye contact, too, such as whether sustained eye contact with a superior while talking is considered paying attention or taken as a lack of deference, she said.\n <\/p>\n

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\n Niedenthal said there\u2019s a \u201ccontinuum\u201d when it comes to the extent to which eye contact can feel too arousing to different people \u2014 another reason there\u2019s no hard and fast rule when it comes to how much eye contact is appropriate in social settings.\n <\/p>\n

\n People with some neurodevelopmental conditions, such as autism, typically avoid eye contact, Niedenthal said.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cThe claim is that for those with autism, the high arousal is aversive. Avoidance is thus an adaptive emotion regulation strategy,\u201d she said, noting that it isn\u2019t the only reason why autism is associated with eye contact avoidance.\n <\/p>\n

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\n If you\u2019re not comfortable with how much someone is looking at you or vice versa, what do you do?\n <\/p>\n

\n Just being aware of the power of eye contact and other nonverbal forms of communication is a step in the right direction, Perry said.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cIt\u2019s far more powerful and impactful than any of us recognize,\u201d she said.\n <\/p>\n

\nTerry Ward is a freelance journalist and travel writer based in Tampa, Florida, who pitched this story after asking her husband to look her in the eyes when she spoke to him.\n<\/p>\n

\n Get inspired by a weekly roundup on living well, made simple. Sign up for CNN\u2019s Life, But Better newsletter for information and tools designed to improve your well-being.\n<\/p>

Read more Time slipping between your fingers? Try this simple hack to make the clock work for you<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eye contact isn\u2019t just about being polite. It\u2019s fundamental to human connection. 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