{"id":6182,"date":"2026-07-16T14:06:34","date_gmt":"2026-07-16T14:06:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=6182"},"modified":"2026-07-16T14:06:34","modified_gmt":"2026-07-16T14:06:34","slug":"not-everything-you-see-online-has-to-apply-to-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=6182","title":{"rendered":"Not everything you see online has to apply to you"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n Scrolling on TikTok during a break one day, I watched a content creator named Kara make a vegan bean soup recipe to boost her iron levels during her menstrual period.\n <\/p>

Read more Advisers debate how much to declassify and reveal in Trump\u2019s primetime election speech<\/a><\/p>\n

\n \u201cAll my anemic girlies this one is for you,\u201d the young woman from central Florida, who goes by her first name online, wrote in the caption.\n <\/p>\n

\n Many people liked and commented positively on her video, but others had questions: \u201cWhat if I don\u2019t like beans?\u201d and \u201cCan I substitute the beans with something else?\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n Um \u2026 what? I wondered why they didn\u2019t just look for a different recipe.\n <\/p>\n

\n Welcome to the strange phenomenon of people expressing anger or helplessness to online content creators or writers who don\u2019t acknowledge their specific lifestyles or limitations.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cThis is something that has always existed but has been very much exacerbated by social media and accelerated rather intensely in \u2026 recent years,\u201d said Dr. Jessica Maddox, an associate professor of entertainment and media studies at the University of Georgia.\n <\/p>\n

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\nThis is \u2018brain rot,\u2019 a slang term with something to it<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

6 min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n Those comments on Kara\u2019s August 2023 video made it go viral and gave the behavior its trendy \u201cbean soup theory\u201d nickname that\u2019s still frequently lobbed and discussed today. The attitude is also referred to as \u201cwhataboutism\u201d or \u201cwhat about me-ism.\u201d (Kara didn\u2019t respond to my request for comment.)\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cIt\u2019s normal for us to have egocentric processing, to filter the world through our own experiences,\u201d said Micheline Maalouf, a Florida-based licensed mental health counselor and content creator with more than 1 million followers on TikTok.\n <\/p>\n

\n But people shouldn\u2019t stop there, experts said \u2014 so unpacking other psychological, emotional and technological factors that limit critical thinking and empathy is important. \n<\/p>\n

\n Moments of strange outrage\n<\/h2>\n

\n A woman named Daisey posted on X (formerly Twitter) about a morning ritual she and her husband enjoy together, sharingthat \u201cmy husband and i wake up every morning and bring our coffee out to our garden and sit and talk for hours. every morning. it never gets old & we never run out of things to talk to. love him so much.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n I loved that for her! Many other people, however, did not. \u201cI hope you know how privileged that sounds. I bet most people have sacred things but aren\u2019t as lucky,\u201d one person replied.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cLovely intention,\u201d someone else responded. \u201cBut when I read it, I felt cringe as well. Not cuz she\u2019s living her best life with her love \u2026 but (unintentionally) coming off to the (rightfully) bitter ppl who (a) don\u2019t have gardens which can be extremely therapeutic.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n Daisey caught so much heat and sparked such widespread discourse that she deleted her post. (She didn\u2019t respond to my request for comment.)\n<\/p>\n

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\nAn adult woman sits on a comfortable sofa at home, holding her smartphone tightly while staring at the screen with a visibly concerned and anxious facial expression. Her furrowed brows and tense posture suggest she has just received troubling news, an upsetting message, or stressful work-related information.<\/span>\n<\/div>\n
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\nThe pitfalls of using social media and AI for health decisions, according to a doctor<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

7 min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n Maalouf, the mental health counselor, has also faced criticism over her social media posts, she said. She posted videos on using sour candy or spicy food to shorten a panic attack since the activation of your digestive system can signal to your nervous system that you\u2019re not in danger. Some people with diabetes replied that they couldn\u2019t eat those foods because of their illness.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cI was shocked,\u201d Maalouf said. \u201cI assumed people would just know that that video wasn\u2019t for them.\u201d When she suggested they try salt packets instead, a different person said they have high blood pressure. (Maalouf generally no longer engages with those types of comments.)\n <\/p>\n

\n Sometimes comments such as these are \u201cusing the creators as Google,\u201d said Sarah Lockwood, a content creator in New York City. And they may be assuming from just one video that the creator\u2019s usual content is offering recipes for anemic people, so of course the creator would have alternatives in mind \u2014 rather than understanding the author just randomly shared something that improved their life. The people who didn\u2019t like beans simply could have Googled \u201ciron-rich soup recipes.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n \u2018A break in the system\u2019\n<\/h2>\n

\n Maddox sees \u201cbean soupification\u201d as partly caused by the messy combination of American individualism and personalized social media algorithms.\n<\/p>\n

\n \u201cThat\u2019s the business model,\u201d she said. When some people encounter content they don\u2019t resonate with, they get irrationally angry because \u201cit\u2019s kind of a break in the system,\u201d Maddox added. They perceive the difference as wrong instead of just not for them.\n <\/p>\n

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\nKnowing what you are and are not looking for can make a difference.<\/span>\n<\/div>\n
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\nMy social media is helpful and positive. Here is how yours can be, too<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

6 min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n Temilola Adeoye, a comedian, writer and content creator in New York City,attributes this behavior to shortcomings in intellect and literacy \u2014 or to a desire to have one\u2019s intellect validated by others.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cYou learn how to make an inference in, like, third or fourth grade,\u201d Adeoye said in a recent TikTok. And \u201cbeing pedantic is not the same thing as being intelligent.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cAs a kid, I did this too, and a lot of people did this, where you correct the teacher or someone just to prove that you\u2019re intelligent,\u201d Adeoye told CNN. It\u2019s \u201cthe behavior that eventually you grow out of, where someone\u2019s like, \u2018The sky is blue,\u2019 and then an 8-year-old would be like, \u2018Well, what about when it rains? Sometimes it\u2019s gray.\u2019\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n Speaking of age, \u201cwe forget how many social media users are, like, 11,\u201d Lockwood said. \u201cIt\u2019s easy to assume that everyone commenting is an adult.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n Viewing general media through personal filters\n<\/h2>\n

\n The Covid-19 pandemic also shares some of the blame. That\u2019s not just because of the extreme isolation and reliance on technology but also because of the important cultural discussions that occurred during that time regarding race relations, policing, workplace issues, sexual violence and more.\n <\/p>\n

\n Now that many governments, educational institutions and companies have walked back those actions, there remain real, longstanding problems that leave many people feeling unseen and helpless \u2014 which they may be holding ordinary creators responsible for by asking, \u201cWhat about me?\u201d Some social media users may also have a skewed sense of when principles of inclusion, for example, should be applied to certain content.\n <\/p>

Read more Senate panel to hear witnesses on Blanche confirmation with attorney general nominee\u2019s path razor-thin<\/a><\/p>\n

\n And even when there actually are ways one can<\/em> make positive change in their own community, some people prefer to attack strangers online, Maddox said.\n<\/p>\n

\n Many \u201chave experienced genuine invalidation throughout their life\u201d in various ways, Maalouf said. So they scan for every indication that they\u2019re being excluded, unhealthily coping to feel seen and in control of their circumstances.\n <\/p>\n

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\nWriting your irrational thoughts down is the first step to unpacking them.<\/span>\n<\/div>\n
Peter Rutherhagen\/Johner RF\/Getty Images<\/figcaption>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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\nAsking yourself Socratic questions can calm your irrational thoughts<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

5 min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n There are of course also individuals who are just narcissistic, selfish and virtue-signaling under the guise of concern, sources said. Some people are impatient and impulsive, commenting before they have even watched or read the whole post, Maalouf added. Other times, they have<\/em> fully engaged but still take offense.\n <\/p>\n

\n Either of those scenarios may have occurred when I published a story last summer on a decline in effort some people think they owe their friends. One example of that deterioration was withdrawal from commitments for trivial reasons, and I included advice for how people can do better.Some commenters implied I lacked compassion and shared that episodes of chronic illness or social anxiety prevent them from following through with commitments \u2014 though I had written that serious extenuating circumstances are the only good excuses for canceling last minute.\n <\/p>\n

\n Another important culprit is the assumption that a creator\u2019s intention behind not mentioning certain exceptionswas antagonistic or exclusionary. Why do people assume a creator\u2019s advice is for everyone? And why don\u2019t they give authors the benefit of the doubt and think, \u201cOf course she\u2019s not saying my chronic illness isn\u2019t a good excuse to back out of a commitment?\u201d Or \u201cI\u2019m sure this therapist wouldn\u2019t want people with diabetes to eat candy and be harmed?\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n Some people are quick to assume the worst of others but not themselves, Adeoye said.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cIf someone else misspoke, they are a cruel and bad and uncaring person. But if you misspoke, you\u2019re just trying your best and you made a mistake and you can\u2019t be held responsible,\u201d she said.\n<\/p>\n

\n Critics also don\u2019t consider that creators may have the same circumstances they accuse them of neglecting. When Adeoye made a video about working hard, someone commented that they can\u2019t do that because they have ADHD \u2014 meanwhile, Adeoye, too, has ADHD.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cA lot of people feel that their identity makes them an expert on a specific experience,\u201d she said.\n <\/p>\n

\n The impact of \u2018what about me-ism\u2019\n<\/h2>\n

\n In early meetings for Maddox\u2019s next book, her literary agent called her out for always hedging her arguments and making her claims smaller, she recalled. Maddox and other creators said that egocentric backlash makes them do much more mental labor around how they communicate.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cIt ruins people\u2019s ability to get streamlined information, or even entertainment,\u201d she added.\n <\/p>\n

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\nHow to prevent doomscrolling from controlling you<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

5 min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n Additionally, algorithms don\u2019t reward creators who make longer-form content that allows for the nuance some viewers demand, Adeoye said. These systems predominantly elevate short-form content in which creators must speak quickly and concisely to get high engagement \u2014 limiting those who might opt for this form to make a living.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cIt\u2019s extremely hard to do both things at once,\u201d Adeoye added.\n <\/p>\n

\n This preemptive caretaking also prevents people from growing out of egocentric thinking. And because online hypersensitivity probably doesn\u2019t stop when you turn your phone off, that\u2019s creating a more hostile and individualistic world, Maddox said. \u201cThe internet is not as separate from the offline as we think it is,\u201d she added.\n <\/p>\n

\n How to broaden your perspective\n<\/h2>\n

\n If you are routinely offended while online, you may need to spend more time out in the real world where you can interact with a variety of people.\n <\/p>\n

\n Back in your internet bubble, there are questions you should ask yourself before lobbing criticism online: Did I watch or read the content in full? Am I assuming the worst or that this author is unaware of something before I\u2019ve checked out their other content? Would I say this to their face?\n <\/p>\n

\n Or am I just feeling jealous, powerless or upset about my problems? What could this post teach me about others? How can I find a solution for me? Are there valuable bits in this content for me or others?\n<\/p>\n

\n If there are more serious issues or traumas causing you to feel easily triggered while online, you canlimit your exposure to triggering content by blocking certain keywords or muting accounts. Also consider working with a therapist or building a community you feel supported by, Maalouf said.\n <\/p>\n

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\nCBT: A way to reshape your negative thinking and reduce stress<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

8 min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\nSomatic therapy may be useful because it helps patients understand their physical state in emotionally heightened moments, allowing them to reflect and respond rather than explode, Maalouf said.\n <\/p>\n

\n Becoming more open-minded instead of nitpicking other people\u2019s posts all the time can be beneficial for you, too. You might feel less self-critical and even happier, more relaxed and more empathetic. And you may find more mental space for the things that actually matter in life.\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cOne of the great things about the world is that we are all so different,\u201d Maddox said. \u201cIt would be boring if everybody liked the same things as you.\u201d\n<\/p>\n

\n \u201cI know it sounds very elementary school,\u201d she added. \u201cBut I think it\u2019s a lesson we all need to go back to a little bit, honestly, if we want to have a little bit of a nicer internet.\u201d \n<\/p>\n

\n Get inspired by a weekly roundup on living well, made simple. Sign up for CNN\u2019s Life, But Better newsletter for information and tools designed to improve your well-being.\n<\/p>

Read more Merck\u2019s cholesterol pill gets US FDA approval<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cBean soup theory\u201d refers to people thinking all content they see online should apply to them. 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