{"id":3668,"date":"2026-06-24T09:04:39","date_gmt":"2026-06-24T09:04:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=3668"},"modified":"2026-06-24T09:04:39","modified_gmt":"2026-06-24T09:04:39","slug":"what-youre-getting-wrong-about-feeling-loved-according-to-relationship-experts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=3668","title":{"rendered":"What you\u2019re getting wrong about feeling loved, according to relationship experts"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n Consider the established entrepreneur and world traveler who says he checks off boxes for both \u201cover 6 feet\u201d and \u201cover 6 figures.\u201d Or the CEO seeking a beautiful muse to share \u201cinternational adventures\u201d and a \u201ccurated lifestyle.\u201d Then there\u2019s the dude pictured in the driver\u2019s seat of a blue convertible who insists he\u2019s \u201cless of an a**hole than I look.\u201d\n <\/p>

Read more Betcha can\u2019t eat just one: Addiction to ultraprocessed foods is real and increasing<\/a><\/p>\n

\n Scroll matchmaking profiles and you\u2019ll find posts highlighting three specific qualities on repeat: \u201clooks, money and status\u201d \u2014 or LMS for those hip to modern dating lingo.\n <\/p>\n

\n Sure, touting LMS features might make more people swipe right, but if you\u2019re looking for lasting love, this same triad could leave you lonely.\n <\/p>\n

\n Physical attractiveness, financial security and social standing may impress people initially \u2014 driving short-term attraction and sexual interest. But ultimately, studies show, they create distance instead of closeness and can stand in the way of true connection.\n <\/p>\n

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\n“How To Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most” offers evidence-based strategies for forging meaningful, loving ties.<\/span>\n<\/div>\n
HarperCollins<\/figcaption>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n Many Americans believe that if only they were wealthier, more accomplished or more beautiful they would feel more loved, happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky and relationship researcher Harry Reis explain.\n <\/p>\n

\n The science tells a different story.\n <\/p>\n

\n Instead of trying to impress, seek to be known, the authors urge in their recent book, \u201cHow To Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most.\u201d Lyubomirsky, a distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and Reis, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester in New York, offer evidence-based strategies for forging meaningful, loving ties \u2014 quality connections that studies show have an impact on both sickness and health.\n <\/p>\n

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\n5 ways losing love affects you and what an expert says you can do to start feeling better<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

5 min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n On par with food and water\n<\/h2>\n

\n Far more than just nice to have, a loving connection is an essential well-being requirement.\n <\/p>\n

\n That\u2019s because humans are a social species. Our mammalian brains encode feeling unloved as a threat to survival. Because the roots of feeling loved are deeply embedded in the most ancient parts of the brain, Lyubomirsky and Reis hypothesize in their book that \u201chumans wouldn\u2019t have survived as a species without feeling loved.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\nDecades of evidence showing the critical role of social connection for both mental and physical health reinforce the point. And the influence that both romantic and platonic relationships have over a person\u2019s lifespan raises about the current declines in social health.\n <\/p>\n

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\n\u2018Quiet relationships,\u2019 \u2018soft launches\u2019 and the rest of Gen Z\u2019s new love language<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

8 min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n Costs of missed connections\n<\/h2>\n

\n \u201cConnection is as essential as food and water,\u201d Kasley Killam wrote in her book, \u201cThe Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health Is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier.\u201d\n <\/p>\n

\n \u201cOver the past 30 years, the percentage of Americans with 10 or more close friends dropped by 20 percent,\u201d Killam explained.Yet Americans long for greater closeness.\n <\/p>\n

\n Although more than 75% of participants in the 2024 American Friendship Project said they were satisfied with the number of friends they had, more than 40% felt they were not as close to their friends as they would like. Feeling a lack of connection is nothing short of dangerous, according to Killam. It increases people\u2019s risk of stroke, their risk of dementia and their risk of early death.\n <\/p>\n

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\nAuthors Sonja Lyubomirsky (left) and Harry Reis cite five core myths that they say interfere with creating a loving bond.<\/span>\n<\/div>\n
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\n Myths as roadblocks to that loving feeling\n<\/h2>\n

\n If the stakes are so high \u2014 and the benefits so powerful \u2014 why aren\u2019t we better at forging and maintaining that loving feeling? Because we get stuck in misbeliefs about exactly what will bring us the love we need, Lyubomirsky and Reis said.\n <\/p>\n

\n They point to five core myths that interfere with feeling loved:\n <\/p>\n

\n \ud83d\udeab If only I were more attractive, powerful or successful\n <\/p>\n

\n \ud83d\udeab If only I could make sure others knew my positive qualities and successes\n <\/p>\n

\n \ud83d\udeab If only I could hide my shortcomings\n <\/p>\n

\n \ud83d\udeab If only my partner could speak my love language\n <\/p>\n

\n \ud83d\udeab If only I could get my partner to love me more\n <\/p>\n

\n It turns out feeling loved does not come from changing ourselves or others. Instead, , it comes from changing our conversations.\n <\/p>\n

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\nKara Swisher wants to live forever: How to hack loneliness<\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

\n The love impact of a heart-to-heart\n<\/h2>\n

\n To give and receive more love, Lyubomirsky and Reis advise upgrading your approach to communication with these strategies:\n <\/p>\n

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