{"id":1456,"date":"2026-06-02T13:36:24","date_gmt":"2026-06-02T13:36:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=1456"},"modified":"2026-06-02T13:36:24","modified_gmt":"2026-06-02T13:36:24","slug":"women-are-over-apologizing-its-more-complex-than-you-might-think","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=1456","title":{"rendered":"Women are over-apologizing. It\u2019s more complex than you might think"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<div>\n<div> <div>\n<button>\n<strong>\n<span><svg>\n<\/svg>\n<\/span>\n<span>Summary<\/span>\n<\/strong>\n<span><svg><\/svg>\n<\/span>\n<span><svg><\/svg>\n<\/span>\n<\/button>\n<div>\n<ul>\n<li>Women apologize more than men because they perceive more situations as deserving apologies, research shows.<\/li>\n<li>Psychologists say impossible cultural expectations create a triple bind where girls must be nurturing, competitive and desirable.<\/li>\n<li>Experts suggest being mindful about when apologies are warranted rather than making them an automatic reflex.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div>\n<span>AI-generated summary was reviewed by a CNN editor.<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>\n            Gabriela Cryan, a 23-year-old who works in sales in Chamblee, Georgia, once apologized for bringing the wrong coffee order to her colleagues at work \u2014 even though the coffee shop made the mistake.\n    <\/p><p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=1448\">Trump names controversial top housing official to be acting director of national intelligence<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cI feel like a lot of times I say \u2018sorry\u2019 in situations that are truly not my fault,\u201d Cryan said. \u201cEven though, in my eyes, I\u2019m not taking accountability, other people may think I\u2019m taking accountability because I\u2019m saying \u2018sorry.\u2019\u201d\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            I\u2019m sorry if this is a dumb question. I\u2019m sorry to bother you. I\u2019m sorry, I don\u2019t understand. I\u2019m sorry, but I\u2019m not interested in you.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Why do women apologize so much, and why don\u2019t men do the same thing? Should they?\n    <\/p>\n<h2>\n        Facing an \u2018impossible set of expectations\u2019\n<\/h2>\n<p>\n            Psychologist Stephen Hinshaw points to an \u201cimpossible set of expectations\u201d placed on girls as a root source of the overuse of apologies.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Hinshaw, a distinguishedprofessor of psychology at the University of California,Berkeley, held focus groups to study the phenomenon and discovered a \u201ctriple bind\u201d placed on girls. He found they are expected to be 1) compassionate and nurturing; 2) competitive and driven; and 3) desirable \u2014 and able to meet these expectations with little effort.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cHow can you be competitive, perfectly altruistic and empathic, and effortlessly sexualized? You can\u2019t. It\u2019s impossible,\u201d said Hinshaw, who is also a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at UC San Francisco. \u201cBut if that\u2019s what the culture expects of you, then you internalize the failure.\u201d\n    <\/p>\n<div>\n<header>\n<span>\n      Related article\n    <\/span>\n<\/header>\n<section>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Senior gray-haired woman doing exercises in public park, sunny summer morning. Rear view.\" class=\"wp-image-1453\" height=\"144\" src=\"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/21598a51b36554a1d6b8b95203f5cd6b.jpg\" width=\"256\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/figure>\n\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<span>Senior gray-haired woman doing exercises in public park, sunny summer morning. Rear view.<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<figcaption>Tatiana Maksimova\/Moment RF\/Getty Images<\/figcaption>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>\n<span>The hidden physical powers that help women outlive men<\/span>\n<\/p>\n<div>5  min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<p>\n            The expectations of the triple bind can manifest as a reflection of other people\u2019s perceptions, Hinshaw explained. The opinions and expectations of otherscan cast doubt on aspects of yourself.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            It\u2019s true now more than ever.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            The ages of onset depression, anxiety, binge eating and self-injury were dropping among teenage girls when Hinshaw coauthored the 2009 book \u201cThe Triple Bind: Saving Our Teenage Girls From Today\u2019s Pressures and Conflicting Expectations.\u201d But as time has passed, the statistics have shown that \u201csuch trends are ever-escalating,\u201d he said.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cThe rise of comparative social media (where teens view the supposed perfection of peers, leading to self-denigration), along with the pandemic, and a rising sense of hopelessness overall, have propelled these tragic statistics even further,\u201d Hinshaw wrote in an email.\n    <\/p>\n<h2>\n        When there is nothing to apologize for\n<\/h2>\n<p>\n            Ally Hall, a 26-year-old executive assistant in Georgia, points out her tendency to apologize when she\u2019s asking for help on something, even if it\u2019s that person\u2019s job. She says she feels bad for \u201cadding to their stress.\u201d\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cI just pay attention to other people a lot \u2014 and I don\u2019t want to be a problem for them,\u201d Hall said. \u201cSo I just apologize across the board.\u201d\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Even in situations that don\u2019t always warrant an apology, some women find themselves reciting those words. The expectation that women should be empathetic manifests as apologies \u2014 even for how someone else is feeling, experts say.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cNo wonder women would feel that if they\u2019re too assertive maybe they haven\u2019t been compassionate,\u201d Hinshaw said. \u201cThey are going to be very cautious about being even \u2018appropriately assertive\u2019 because it might break the triple bind of these gender stereotypes.\u201d\n    <\/p>\n<h2>\n        A higher threshold for apologies\n<\/h2>\n<p>\n            It\u2019s not necessarily that men don\u2019t apologize, according to Karina Schumann<strong>,<\/strong> an associate professor of social psychology at the University of Pittsburgh. Her area of expertise is understanding the psychology of apology behavior.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Schumann coauthored <strong>a 2010 study<\/strong> that showedwhat she calls the \u201cthreshold hypothesis,\u201d in which men reported a higher threshold than women for what they deem was offensive and required an apology.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cThere seems to be more offenses that are kind of crossing the threshold for women of deserving an apology,\u201d Schumann said. \u201cBut when men see a behavior as offensive, they seem just as willing to apologize.\u201d\n    <\/p>\n<div>\n<header>\n<span>\n      Related article\n    <\/span>\n<\/header>\n<section>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"The mid adult woman helps her senior adult friend carefully enter her home.\" class=\"wp-image-1454\" height=\"144\" src=\"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/4004714e31abcca17b80a68c84a5deb9.jpg\" width=\"256\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/figure>\n\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<span>The mid adult woman helps her senior adult friend carefully enter her home.<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<figcaption>SDI Productions\/E+\/Getty Images<\/figcaption>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>\n<span>The gender gap in caregiver well-being is real. How to fix it<\/span>\n<\/p>\n<div>6  min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<p>\n            The stereotype that men never apologize even when they have committed an offense could be a \u201cperceptual or cognitive difference\u201d between men and women, she noted.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Schumann asked study participants to report any offenses they committed or experienced and whether they apologized or not. The findings showed that women were reporting more offenses and apologies overall, but the proportion of offenses they apologized for was the same as for men.\n    <\/p><p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=1446\">Jake Tapper: Jill Biden\u2019s rosy if not blindfolded \u2018View from the East Wing\u2019<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\n            Participants were also asked to evaluate the same imaginary and recalled offenses. When looking at the same offenses, women viewed them as more severe compared with men. Women were more likely to say those warranted apologies.\n    <\/p>\n<h2>\n        Apologies in the workplace\n<\/h2>\n<p>\n            Regardless of gender, those who apologize more frequently are seen as caring, communal, warm and likable people, according to Schumann. In a 2023 study, she noted this applied to situations in which the apology was deserved and even in more ambiguous situations where it may not be necessary.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            But those same people were also perceived as slightly less assertive and powerful. Oftentimes, people associate apologizing too much as a sign of incompetence, weakness or even behavior that\u2019sannoying.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Schumann says this could affect women more dramatically, as they are often already perceived as potentially less competent, powerful or assertive, especially in the workplace.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Hinshaw points to the power dynamic discrepancy. In 2025, only 29% of women were represented in C-suite roles, a number unchanged from the previous year, according to the Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey &amp; Company and LeanIn.org \n<\/p>\n<p>\n            Although thewomen\u2019s rights movementand a greater push toward gender equality has allowed women to feel more comfortable being appropriately assertive, there is still room for improvement.\n    <\/p>\n<div>\n<header>\n<span>\n      Related article\n    <\/span>\n<\/header>\n<section>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Child with her mother in modern office space, child playing with toy as mother focuses on her. Scene shows bond between family members within workspace\" class=\"wp-image-1455\" height=\"144\" src=\"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/85811f9b2e279bf1c37ee95d3a638494.jpg\" width=\"256\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/figure>\n\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<span>Child with her mother in modern office space, child playing with toy as mother focuses on her. Scene shows bond between family members within workspace<\/span>\n<\/div>\n<figcaption>DragonImages\/iStockphoto\/Getty Images<\/figcaption>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>\n<span>The amount of mom-shaming is \u2018incredible,\u2019 \u2018One Bad Mother\u2019 author says<\/span>\n<\/p>\n<div>6  min read<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<p>\n            Recent \u201cpolitical trends\u201d geared to \u201cmore traditional femininity\u201d and a gender gap in leadership roles in the United States has continued this assertion problem we\u2019ve seen and talked about for over a decade.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cThere is still a norm that women must be subservient to men, and to apologize for what most would consider to be appropriate assertion, without a need for apology,\u201d Hinshaw said in an email.\n    <\/p>\n<h2>\n        What is a real apology?\n<\/h2>\n<p>\n            There is another way to look at apologies, Schumann and Hinshaw say \u2014 as acts of humility and empathy.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Apologies can be a valuable way to connect with people, clarify intent, and make others feel validated, seen and understood.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Even without meaning to, the words \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d may not feel enough. At a young age, Cryan\u2019s dad told her to say, \u201cI apologize,\u201d when she was taking accountability for something rather than saying \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            When people take the value out of apologies, through an excess of using them for unnecessary situations, they are diminishing their importance when an apology is truly needed.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Hall feels like apologies come off as less genuine when they\u2019re overused. To her, a true apology is not just the words you say but the change in behavior that follows, which doesn\u2019t happen when you apologize forasking a question or a favor.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cBe mindful of when you apologize. Think about trying to make it less of a reflex that you just stumble into and more of a \u2018Have I done something in this situation that warrants an apology?\u2019\u201d Schumann said.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            Hinshaw encourageseveryone, regardless of gender, to approach more situations with humility.\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n            \u201cThe humble stance may prevent the over-apologizing and the overacting or overselling,\u201d Hinshaw said. \u201cIf we all were a little more humble about what we need to know and how much we can learn from others \u2014 that might be the kind of solution that goes one step above apologizing or being overly assertive.\u201d\n    <\/p>\n<p>\n    Get inspired by a weekly roundup on living well, made simple. Sign up for CNN\u2019s Life, But Better newsletter for information and tools designed to improve your well-being.\n<\/p><p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=1434\">Tuesday\u2019s wild races for California governor and Los Angeles mayor, and other elections to watch<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Women often apologize when there is nothing to apologize for. But do women need to apologize less \u2014 or should everyone apologize more? Experts weigh in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1449,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1456","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","category-wellness"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Women are over-apologizing. It\u2019s more complex than you might think - Relocation Times<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/relocationtimess.com\/?p=1456\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Women are over-apologizing. 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